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12. Februar 2012

Some ideas about minimalism

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Minimalism is all about having enough. It’s about having only what you need, no more, and especially no less.

‘What you need’ can refer especially to your possessions, but can also include your commitments, relationships, work and lifestyle.

(Jessica Dang)

* * *

There are people who wake up in the morning only to look forward to an hour of sitting in their car in bad traffic, then sitting at their desk doing a job that makes them bored or tired, then going home exhausted and sitting in front of the TV, then spending their weekends spending the money they earned to buy things that ‘make them happy’ when all they’re really doing is perpetuating the cycle.

(Jessica Dang)

* * *

I’ve learned that minimalism can be done anywhere you go and it doesn’t require that you move to a farm or give up your contact with people. Just the opposite: minimalism is about giving up consumption in favor of doing things you’re passionate about and having real relationships with a few people you really value. I’d much rather have a conversation with someone doing something amazing than go shopping.

(Leo Babauta)

* * *

If you’ve already paid, for example, $15 for an all-you-can-eat buffet, you can either eat about $15-25 worth of food, or stuff yourself with junk until you’re about to burst. Either way, you’re still going to be paying the same amount of cash and the register when you leave, except that you’ll also pay the price for a stomachache later on or in the long term, you’ll pay the price in your weight or health:

Resources that have been irrecoverably spent shouldn’t influence your future decisions on what you do with it.

Economists like to call it ‘throwing good money after bad’.

(Jessica Dang)

 

7. Oktober 2011

The burden

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Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the road sides.

At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk across because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to her, lifted her, and left her on the other side of the road, continuing his way to the monastery.

In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, „Sir, as monks, we may not touch women, right?“

The elder monk answered, „Yes, brother.“

The younger monk replied, „But then, Sir, how come that you lifted that woman on the roadside?“

The elder monk smiled at him and told him, „Look, I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her.“

 

7. Oktober 2011

The other side

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One day a young Buddhist on his journey home came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on how to cross such a wide barrier.

Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river.

The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher, „Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river?“

The teacher ponders for a moment, looks up and down the river, and yells back, „My son, you are on the other side!“

 

7. Oktober 2011

The farmer

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A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.

All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”

The man just said, “We’ll see.”

A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses.

All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”

The man just said, “We’ll see.”

One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.

All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”

The man just said, “We’ll see.”

The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.

All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”

The man just said, “We’ll see.”

 

9. Juni 2011

Is your best friend an online profile?

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Online social networking has forever changed the ways we connect with each other. Which of these changes are helping you create a positive and abundant social life? Which changes are leading you towards stagnation?

Do you consider interacting with web browsers and online profiles to be social behavior? There’s certainly a social aspect to it in the sense that you’re communicating with people via the Internet, but it’s a pretty limited channel for satisfying your true social needs.

Typing messages back and forth or reading status updates can’t compare to having a real face to face conversation.

Clicking through someone’s photos is a lifeless 2D experience compared to seeing a real body in its full 3D animated expressiveness.

Video-Skyping is a richer way to connect, but you can’t touch an online video. You can’t even share a handshake let alone a hug.

Where does this path really lead? As you make more online friends, it leads you to spend more time with your web browser or your cell phone. This means less time to spend on real face to face human interaction.

Social networking via the Internet is like eating junk food. It will fill your belly and give you some temporary satisfaction, but in the long run, it doesn’t do much for your health. It can also encourage you to over-consume because it doesn’t give your body the nutrition it needs.

The Need for Socialization

Human beings are innately social creatures. We’re born completely dependent on others for our survival, and as much as you might like to think otherwise, this doesn’t change much throughout our lives. Humans are not solo creatures. We band together to meet our needs, not just our survival needs but our emotional needs as well.

One of the worst punishments to inflict on a human being is solitary confinement. After some time completely alone, most people would gladly spend time in the company of convicted murderers than be subjected to further solitude. Simply put, we need each other. Any humans who may have been truly anti-social would have been bred out of existence long ago, since we have to connect with others to reproduce.

If you find yourself addicted to online socializing, don’t see it as an addiction. See it as a real human need. Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, you need to connect with other human beings. And you need to do this often, ideally spending a significant part of each day in the company of others.

The problem with trying to meet this need via the Internet is that it doesn’t fully satisfy the need for socialization. This leads to over-consuming, spending more time in online socializing that you’ve consciously decided.

In January I quit Facebook, shutting down my personal page as well as my fan page. I shared my reasons for doing so in my Leaving Facebook blog post. I also shared an update after 30 days in my 30-day Facebook Fast post.

I realized that being active on Facebook couldn’t compare to real face to face socializing, so I shifted my social time towards more offline connections. I made it a higher priority to connect with people in person. I still communicate online with people frequently, but I don’t invest as much time on it as I did last year.

I noticed some key differences as I made this shift. One difference is that I’m having a lot more fun. Doing a lot of online socializing tends to drain me, but face to face interactions usually energize me. Deep conversations about personal growth, the nature of reality, or other subjects that interest me are inspiring.

Another difference is that face to face conversations can create the kind of connection in an hour that it would take a month to achieve online. When you can hear someone’s tone of voice and see their body language, you’re going to understand them much better than if you simply read their words on a screen. This is one reason I started doing live workshops too — people can instantly grasp ideas in minutes that might otherwise take hours of reading to comprehend.

Faux Socialization

If you spend a lot of time alone, you’ll often feel the urge to do some type of faux socialization. You may want to flip on the TV so you can see other people. Or you may want to check your email or social networking sites impulsively. Or you may want to read a book, so you can feel you’re engaged with other characters. Reading my articles can fit the bill as well, giving you the sense that you’re connecting with me; yet the reality is that we may be many miles apart.

Yes, faux socialization is still a form of connecting, just as junk food is a form of food. But it’s probably not the best way to meet your needs.

The socializing part is a genuine human need, included in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as a sense of belongingness and love, but the faux part can constitute an unhealthy addiction. Just as junk food crowds out healthy food, faux socializing crowds out healthy socializing.

When you get more of the real thing, you’ll find that your taste for the fake version gradually drops off. If you eat a lot of fruits and vegetables every day, junk food cravings will tend to subside within 30-40 days. If you do a sufficient amount of in-person socializing (ideally every day), your interest in online socializing will tend to diminish.

To shift towards a healthier and more abundant social life, don’t worry about trying to quit Facebook or anything like that. Instead, focus on amping up your face to face socializing. Make a point of doing something social several times a week, every day if you can swing it. You’ll likely find that after about a month or so, socializing online will seem a lot less interesting, perhaps even boring.

If you work with people, you may enjoy a lot of socialization in the normal course of your workday, but if you work at home like I currently do, it’s especially important to allocate time for your social life — offline. This can make your workdays more productive in the long run since you won’t feel as much of an impulse to get your social needs met via the Internet during your workday.

Someday the Internet may be so advanced that it can meet our social needs in truly satisfying and fulfilling ways. But for now it’s still in the junk food stage, too artificial to compete with the real thing.

I’m not suggesting you need to give up online socializing. Treat it as a companion to face to face socializing, but not a substitute. Make your in-person social life a significantly higher priority than your online social life. This is very important to your path of personal growth. There are many aspects of human social development that get stunted by excessive online communication and which can only be fully developed with sufficient face time (no pun intended for the geeks who are capable of noticing the pun).

If you’re not sure where to begin, start by setting the intention to expand your offline social life. When offline social opportunities come up, say yes to them. When you get inspired by an idea to do something social, act on it. It will take time, perhaps a few months, but eventually you’ll have a rich and abundant social life, and you won’t feel such a desire to try to meet this need through faux socialization. Fill your belly with real food, and you won’t be so hungry.

 

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